The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Sinus Infection

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My cheerful kid who never gets sick got super sick last week.

And while most people get cranky when sick, she tries to stay cheerful, but also gets kind of slap happy. From fever? From boredom? From pain? I don’t know. But what I do know is that when we entered the doctor’s office and I said “don’t touch anything” my normally mature six year old heard my instructions through her feverish ears and decided that since I didn’t say “don’t lick anything” she was good to go on sampling the taste of her waiting room chair.

I was filling out forms and looked over just as her tongue made contact with the plastic arm of the chair.  But when I yelped her name and saw her glassy feverish eyes I decided that the oncoming antibiotics should cancel out whatever she contracted in her licktatious fever mania.

Then, after I explained to the fetal-age doctor-on-call (23 years, tops) that Jane had been sick for two weeks, had had a high fever for several days, and I was having a hard time suppressing it with pain-meds, her solution was that I give Jane a steam bath for congestion.

“That seems counter productive for keeping her core body temperature down,” I said.

“Oh, um, yes,” the doctor muttered.

It was at this particular juncture that I had to decide whether or not to channel Goldie Hawn a’la Overboard and shout, “LISTEN TO ME MEDICAL PEOPLE.”

(You would be surprised how often I suppress that urge.)

I did not do that thing. But I did end up using the phrase “this ain’t my first rodeo” and Jane and I left with an antibiotic prescription and one less friend in this world.

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Then when we got to the pharmacy a man tried to talk to Jane, she did not care for it and muttered “STRANGERS” and crawled under the counter. On the way home she dozed, but then woke suddenly, her head jerked up and she started singing, “Everybody loves a winner, so nobody loves me…” I pondered whether perhaps Jane and I listened to too many show tunes in the car, and whether she really needed to know the detailed lyrics of Liza’s Caberet song, but my train of thought was quickly distracted when she banged on her window and yelled “get out of the way” at oncoming traffic in the opposite lane.

Jane-With-A-Fever is perhaps one of the funniest of all Jane-versions. She’s becomes a strange combination of Archie Bunker and Lucille Ball. When we got home she told me my hair needed to be petted (and proceeded to do so), and then she asked to eat pickles. Then when I told her no, and gave her crackers with her new antibiotics, and they made her sick anyway, she told me, “I feel bad. It smells like people’s mouths in here. Help me.”

Fast forward 24 hours and she’s her old self again. Fever free.

Thank you Alexander Flemming.

 

10 thoughts on “The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Sinus Infection

  1. “It smells like people’s mouths in here. Help me.” This started me into an almost-coughing fit as I too have some sort of sinus/throat thing going on. I just adore every post about Jane Oddities. She’s one entertaining human.

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  2. Snorting laughing at this. I hope my 18 month old grows to be this much fun. From the glimpses of her personality we have had so far, I think we are on the right track. 😉 I’m so glad she is feeling better!

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  3. But they’re not there to just be your friend. The job is to make the sick kid well. And as you know, your job is to be your kid’s advocate — particularly in the face of idiots. I’m thankful for doctors who listen to me, but in advocating for my mother-in-law, well, I ran into a few. I don’t use my title much. The students do, of course, but when the heart doctor’s nurses were being particularly snooty and obstructionist, I used “Dr. Harris”. I got results. I’ve done that on a couple of other occasions. My mother-in-law was a force of nature herself until cancer, so she was rather pleased with that one. My husband still finds it hilarious.

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  4. Oh Jane….ME TOOOOOOO! I’ve been fighting an ear infection that has made me a dizzy, spinning, hacking, dripping, mess. The antibiotics are a savior but the price our stomach must pay for salvation….OYE! I have to actually leave the house today and I see crawling under the counters in my future. Feel better!!

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