What I Learned This Week

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1. I learned that when Jane kicks my knee hard enough to leave a knot and a bruise, then hugs me, kisses me, tells me I’m her best friend and then sneezes directly into my open mouth, she’s just doing her part to toughen me up.

2. I learned that when living in an apartment building sometimes you have neighbors who yell at each other and you can hear them through the walls. And it reminds you that there are far worse things than being alone on a Tuesday night with a pack of Welch’s fruit chews and Netflix.

3. I learned that when you load a toddler into the car on a 20 degree morning, and she screams that she doesn’t like it and her face hurts, and your own face hurts, you hate the independently wealthy people who don’t have to load a toddler into a car at the crack of dawn on a 20 degree morning. You also hate them for owning their own private islands, but that’s neither here nor there.

4. I learned that when you get divorced some people want to tell you what a hard time they’re having with it, and how difficult it’s been for them. And you just look at them and think, “You’re dumb for saying this to me.”

5. I learned that lots of people decorate for Christmas a full two weeks before Thanksgiving and they think it ain’t no thing. It is kind of a thing, because it’s STILL FALL.

6. I learned that sometimes life’s little coincidences can change everything. Like when I went to New York and met Fayez by chance and he listened to me and held my hand and turned into the best friend I’ve ever had.

7.  I learned that during a big blustery storm Jane gets concerned that the roof will come off and the wind will blow away our “sparkling nuts.” I still haven’t been able to get to the bottom of that but it’s safe to say she’s inherited my propensity for irrational anxiety.

8. I’ve learned that I can’t sleep in socks, bright red unwashed shirts will most definitely turn white undergarments pink, and gargling salt water really is a miracle cure.

The End

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9 Comments

  1. Sizzle says:

    They are dumb for saying that to you. I was always so appalled by the people who felt it was okay to unload the burden of their feelings about what HAPPENED TO ME onto me. Tell someone else, you jerk! I’m kind of busy dealing with it myself.

    I’m glad you have someone who is your best friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kim says:

    People who tell you how hard your life is on them deserve to lose their sparkling nuts.

    And, back when I decorated the outside of my home for Christmas, I would do it in October. Because there isn’t snow and ice to deal with in October. I wouldn’t turn them on, except for that first test run, until the day after Thanksgiving, but there they were, lights hanging in the fall.

    Liked by 1 person

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