Jane Says

 Setting: Subway

Mood: Religious

Intense flailing lady at the end of the subway car: Repent! Jesus is near! Jesus is LOVE! Stay away from the darkness. Jesus is coming soon!

Jane turns to inspect the situation from behind her pink and purple princess sunglasses.

Intense flailing lady throws her head back, rolls her eyes, and shouts garbled unable to be understood words, closely related to “I shot a pecan.”

Concerned citizen next to me: Oh my goodness, she’s having a seizure.

Me: No ma’am. She’s speaking in tongues.

Concerned citizen: How do you know?

Me: I’m from the south.

Concerned citizen nods, because “I’m from the south” seems to be a universal explanations for a lot of things in New York City and I now keep it on standby. I also continue to call people “ma’am” because it either makes them friendlier or throws them off, and I find both of those things equally beneficial.

Jane peers over the top of her sunglasses and addresses Concerned Citizen: She’s a pretty grumpy lady. Jesus does not like yelling.

16 thoughts on “Jane Says

  1. Thanks for my laugh of the day – or week. There might be times when I could use “I’m from the Midwest” to explain a lot of things…now that you’ve given me that idea. Bravo, Jane.


  2. My brother lived in Jersey and when I would visit him we would go into the city and generally travel by subway. His command to me when subway riding was “Do not make eye contact with anyone…I repeat Do not make eye contact!” It may seem rude to some…but it worked. The crazies stayed away.


  3. I grew up on the east coast. I didn’t make eye contact until I moved away hahaha. I just have to tell people I grew up in NJ. They get that..OH, that explains it!…look. I live in the land of passive aggressive now. Funny it’s been long enough now I love both! That cute little Jane embraces life. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if she always stays like that?!!


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