ADHD Brains and Witch Hat Lamps

My brain is like Waffle House. It’s permanently lit with multiple globe lights, there’s clanking in the kitchen, the constant urge for food, and all the while someone is muttering, “Hey, is something burning?” And the answer is probably yes, because my synapses are constantly on fire managing a litany of open tabs 24 hours a day. Even in my dreams I try to multitask. Having this kind of brain is a blessing or a curse, depending on the activity I find myself engaged in. But, if it’s the right activity, ADHD becomes a superpower.

This is what thrift and antique shopping is for me. It’s an activity that meshes a mix of laser focus, spontaneous discovery, and adapting on the fly. It’s also something I just WANT to do (which is key for anyone who deals with neurodivergence). But all that to say, it feels like a very specific superpower in a thrift store. My brain can hop from one item to the next, identifying it, cataloging it, comparing it to things I may already have at home. Also, one of those tabs is always softly whispering, “This could be the thing that makes you a fortune on Antiques Roadshow.” But let’s be real, mostly I just love to collect for the sake of collecting.

A few months ago I was at my favorite thrift store in the outside “garden” section where things deemed too outside-y (i.e. dirty) are piled. The prices usually reflect the location, and as I picked through the stacks on a cold rainy day, I spied a treasure. In the mix of garden hoses, plastic pots, used lawn furniture and chipped cement bird baths, I spied a waterlogged cardboard box containing a pair of old lamps.

They were covered in filth, but I immediately knew they were special when I spotted their witch-hat metal tops. I pulled them out of the box and my first thought was that the old wiring would kill us all, and the second thought was how amazing they would look in the garden. And when I spied the $25 price tag I knew they were coming home with me.

I brought them home and took a picture to reverse image search them. That’s when I realized these little lamps would not be going out into my garden to rust.

They are Peter Marsh lamps, circa 1960/70. He was a noted lighting designer in England, and his fairy-tale-gothic lamps were handmade with mosaic-stained glass panels, iron, and tin/metal details. Luckily, I have a husband who loves a good project, and he took them apart, cleaned them and rewired them. Now I have a set of wonderful weird vintage #witchcore lamps. My daughter told me that I needed to use that hashtag because it’s my “aesthetic” and I was like, “Okay sure I’m old and I hope you’re not pranking me because I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Anyway.

Will these lamps make me rich on Antiques Roadshow? Nah.

What’s my point?

It’s this.

ADHD really is a thrifting/antiquing superpower because you can hyperfocus like nobody’s biz. You can zone in and see things most people miss. It provides you with pattern recognition skills, where you may be able to see the beauty and potential when others see junk. It also fuels you with the impulse to “just get it and figure it out later” because folks with ADHD usually have excellent gut-instincts (if they don’t spend time trying to argue themselves out of their feelings). In both thrift stores and life, ADHD brains excel at noticing overlooked opportunities, connecting random pieces into something useful, and pivoting quickly when the original plan goes out the window.

And that’s where the magic is. The messy, instinct-driven moments are usually what give us the biggest wins. You don’t always have to look polished to be powerful. Sometimes you just have to trust yourself, dirt and all. Sometimes your best skills don’t look perfect and linear. They look messy, intuitive, and maybe a little dirt-covered like my lamps, but they still get you somewhere amazing.

In short, since I’ve learned to understand my brightly-lit Waffle House brain, I’ve come to appreciate it.

It takes good care of me.

And I bet yours does too.

No Wagons, No Butts, No Coconuts: Women With ADHD

I’ve learned a lot about women who have ADHD in the past several months. Apparently, I am one of them. At the ripe old age of 40-ahem-ahem I peeled back another layer of life’s onion and got diagnosed with ADHD. It’s a bit of a mental lighting bolt when you’re middle-aged and you feel like you have a pretty good handle on yourself and the things that make you tick and it turns out… nah… not totally.

A former coworker of mine had a favorite phrase that springs to mind. I waited tables at a fishing resort when I was in college. She would yell from the kitchen, “Don’t get your butt in front of the wagon.” The visuals of that were always confusing, but it stuck in the spiderwebs of my mind. It meant don’t get ahead of yourself. Calm down. Probably stop talking to her. What does this have to do with ADHD? I’ll get there. But I’d also like to point out that I’ve gone from ADHD, to middle age, to fishing resorts, to butts and wagons in two short paragraphs. And that, ladies and gentlemen and human-kind, is how ADHD works.

The most surprising part of this journey is finding that girls and women are vastly understudied when it comes to ADHD, which is why they are overwhelmingly underdiagnosed compared to men. ADHD in women doesn’t always look the same. Oftentimes we are over-organized, over-achieving, over-people-pleasing, over-stressed, and over-onioned because every single thought has 20 layers and sub-thoughts.

But also, ADHD can be fun. For example, my brain can leap frog from ADHD to wagons in the blink of an eye. I will probably challenge myself to write more paragraphs that span unrelated topics, like growing sunflowers and Alexander the Great’s “buried alive” debacle. Maybe I can tie together the Oak Ridge Boy’s groundbreaking hit “Elvira” with organic coconut cooking spray. I can connect my coworkers wagon idiom to its historical root, which is probably a hillbilly variant on a line from King Lear, “May not an ass know when the cart draws the horse.” So in the spirit of disparate topics, and ADHD, and wagons and butts, it would seem that my former coworker was quoting Shakespeare.

Knowing ourselves is hard. Finding out we have neuro-different brains after we’ve already lived half of our lives is at best curious, and at its worst, discouraging. Aristotle said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”  And while Aristotle and my former coworker may have had their differences, they would have agreed that knowing yourself is a lifelong process and you should calm down about it. So I’ll keep my butt in my seat, not in front of a wagon (I still can’t visually grasp how such a thing could happen), and learn more about how ADHD is both a superpower and a wild-brain-horse to be wrangled, how it affects me, and how I can peel back another life-onion-layer to figure out how to live a more productive and self aware life.