Running Away From Home. The Solo Edition.

Vacationing alone is new to me. When I was a child there was always a wagon load of us in the suburban. We fought, and herded, and hiked, and inevitably Rachel got her nose out of joint because a waitress put cheese on her burger so she’d grumble, scowling and scraping the cheese off with her fingernails. Looking back I tip my hat to my parents for vacationing with all of three kids. I would have ditched us somewhere.

Then I went to college, where I never went anywhere without a friend. Not even the cafeteria. I had a phobia. Most of us did. To be seen alone, eating, reading a book signaled “don’t date me.” Or at least that’s what we thought.

And now as an adult, truthfully, I don’t vacation very often. Once in a blue moon maybe. It’s rare. I hear about other couples taking get-aways together and think, “Eh, maybe we’ll rent something from Red Box this weekend.”

So I went to my favorite place in the whole wide world. And I’ve discovered that I love vacationing alone.

I walked idly, taking pictures of Victorian houses.

I ate breakfast in a ball room.

I got ice cream for lunch.

I went to a spa where everything smelled like mint.

I slept in.

I chatted with a shop owner who showed me the spring underneath his house. It was cool and musty, and there were candles. It was a total Harry Potter dork-out moment for me. Normally in such an environment I’d be a little freaked out, worrying that the owner might lock me down there and keep me as a pet. But there were other customers and the owner seemed nice. Plus, I’m a scrappy fighter.

Then I thought to myself, “I think I’ll go back to the hotel and take a nap until it cools down this evening.”

I took a nap. An actual, honest to goodness nap. No dog sniffing my face, intensely trying to communicate she needs to pee. No toddler wailing in her bedroom. No delivery guy ringing the doorbell. I woke up in time for dinner.

I clipped my toenails and watched cable.

I visited a Catholic mass in a tiny 150 year old church named after St. Elizabeth. I kept whispering, “My name is Elizabeth” to people and got looks that clearly said, “Big deal, half the world is named Elizabeth.” Oh how I love all the saint statues and candles. I grew up in the Church of Christ and the most interesting things you’d find in our sanctuary was a board at the front with attendance numbers, and a block of pamphlets in the back with titles like, “How can I be sure I’m going to heaven?”

(I’m not bashing the Church of Christ, they’re sweet committed people, but I do think a few less pamphlets and a little more ambiance wouldn’t kill them. Same goes for the Baptists and their industrial carpet.)

I ate dinner alone in a restaurant with tin tiled ceilings and dark leather chairs and Tiffany lights.

I read a book.

I took another walk and counted pink gingerbread houses. There were four.

I sat on my own balcony, watched the sun go down, and wrote 20 pages of a new story.

In summary, as I sat on a giant king sized bed just for me, working on blog posts and a new book idea, watching the sun go down through the french doors in my room, WHILE the church bells at St. Elizabeth’s rang goodnight… I realized that running away was long over due.

 

Vanilla

So, this is our kitchen. In my dreams it has retro tile-work. And vintage bar stools.

But other than that, I like it.

I also love that it has white appliances.

It’s clean. And vanilla. But that’s OK. Vanilla is my favorite.

Something strange has happened to me since we moved into our new house.

I’ve stopped decorating as much.

GASP.

Somehow I’m not in as much of a pinch as I used to be.

Somehow, I’m not as concerned with everything being “pulled together.”

Somehow… a miracle has occurred.

Granted, this means less blog material.

Speaking of vintage bar stools… anyone know where I could find some?

You’ll Wear a Lot of Hats

I work at a university. Have I ever mentioned that here?

Throughout the course of a year I hear so many students talk about what they will “be” in life.

“I’m going to be a doctor.”

“I’m going to be a business owner.”

“I’m going to be an accountant.”

“I’m going to be an actor.”

After all, they are here for those things. They’re here to figure out how they will make money and support themselves throughout their adult lives (although lots of us end up doing something very far from the tree of our college major).

But as I watch them discuss these things with such assurance, as they put these dreams into words and send them out into the world, I want to give them all a hug. I think making statements such as (and this is the one closest to home for me) “I’m going to be a writer” can set you up for some seriously skewed expectations.

Because the truth is, you’ll will never “be” just one thing. What you major in, what you do for an income, isn’t necessarily what defines you. And yet, we’re sort of programmed to think that way, aren’t we? We’re programmed to think, “If I’m not earning my living doing what I love, then I’ve failed.”

Last year I had an opportunity to talk to some students  in a class setting, and I told them this:

“You will wear a lot of hats.”

I see more and more the message of “do you what you love” being blasted into our ears. Yes, earning a living doing what you love is the pinnacle of career/mental well being. But, as my grandmother would say, “Who’s going to clean the toilets?”

The truth is, there are a lot of very happy janitors out there. There are a lot of happy psychologists, bus drivers, accountants and cable installers. They are multi-faceted people who work hard, earn a living, and go home to a whole new set of hats. Maybe they’re artists. Or part time photographers. They’re mothers. They’re fathers. They’re church VBS committee members.

I work as a Program Manager. That’s a very fancy way of saying Office-Manager-Coffee-Getter-Budget-Ballancer-Travel-Event-Planner-All-Around-Supreme-Gopher.  This was not my plan. I planned to be writer. But I’ve come to realize these are two different hats, two very good hats, and I get to wear them both. Thank goodness life isn’t an either-or scenario.

You are not a failure if you clean toilets. You are not a failure if you don’t become a self-sufficient artist.

In this life you will wear many, many of wonderful hats.