Sometimes It Rains Men. Sometimes It Does Not.

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What a lovely weekend it was. The rain. The fall leaves. Dinner with friends. Cooking. Cleaning.

*Minus my pre-Thanksgiving grocery store run, or as I will now refer to it, Lord of the Flies, Yoga Pants Housewife Edition.

And this morning, as I cozied up to my computer and started about the work day tasks, all was right with the world. My tights weren’t too tight. The temperature was perfect. It’s a two day work week. Life was sweet.

I reached to take a sip of my tea and a white streak dropped from the ceiling and into my cup.

Plop.

Irritated, I thought to myself, “Great, a piece of the ceiling just polluted my tea. Thanks a lot, stupid dandruffy ceiling.”

I plucked the small white object out, and rolled it back and forth between my fingers to inspect the trespasser. Then I realized it was not a piece of the tile ceiling. Not even freaking close. It was, in fact, a small white spongy maggot. I screamed, flicked it into the nearby trash can, and then sat there, trying very very hard to breath. I scrambled to find rhyme or reason for the madness, also contemplated pouring bleach on my fingers, and that’s when the lyrics to the song “It’s Raining Men” filled my brain and I was enraged and nauseous at the same time.

Of course my world rains maggots.

See, I’m no wuss. I kill spiders. I helped my dad gut a deer. And if the host of some crazy tv show said “Okay Liz, we’re gonna sit you down at this table, and you’ve gotta reach your hand into the giant bucket of maggots, but there’s a $5,000 check at the bottom” it would be GAME ON people. I’d psych myself up and totally get that $5,000. I might throw up, but I’d do it.

But the difference here is I DID NOT COME PREPARED FOR MAGGOTS TODAY.

It was at this particular juncture that I realized if a rogue skydiving maggot was able to crash the party in my tea cup, others could easily do the same, falling like rotten pennies from heaven. And if they fell in my hair, I’d never feel a thing. So I rushed out to have my coworker check my hair, picking through the strands like a lice hunter. Cause I’m professional like that.

Then I did a few full body convulsions.

Then I considered sitting underneath my umbrella all day.

Then I considered going home.

Then I considered moving my entire desk, lest the potential rotten maggot breeding dead body tucked into the ceiling above me leak anything else on my head.

*Obviously there was nothing of the kind in the ceiling above my desk, but when my mind runs away with itself it does so in crazy crime laden CSI fashion.

All I can say is, I’m scarred. Not like, “Oh, hahahah, wasn’t that gross I’m really skeeved out.” I can’t laugh about this. Don’t know that I ever will. But I’m soothing myself by watching this over and over. And then chuckling because I have a bowl problem in my own home. Bowls with apples, candy, and keys. But no maggots. No maggot bowls AT ALL.

 

*Update: after a thorough examination of the space above the ceiling, the area was declared clean. I have no idea where that little fella came from. He was no doubt delivering some sort of cosmic message. I’m sure I’ll attempt to figure it out once I stop having full body shudders.

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4 Comments

  1. cheryl R says:

    Eeeek! And the weird thing is, I just had a recent bug encounter too! I’ve been having groceries delivered every now and then from this store for 15 years – they are a quality operation without being all that expensive. I had a delivery last week and was taking things out of a paper bag on my kitchen counter when I was down to the last two small cans – and I looked in and saw a live cockroach! I almost dumped the cans and bug into the sink, but stopped myself in time (what do I need with a cockroach in my sink!). I folded the bag over with the cans still inside, and set it out on my back steps. When I emailed customer service, they were pretty surprised too, and the woman who replied said she had never heard of that in her 10 years with the company. I did get a $50 credit out of the ordeal, but I may not order from them for awhile, and that is a shame.

    Like

  2. Tamra says:

    Ugh. That had to be terrifying. I had a similar experience with my coffee. I was in our current home before we had moved in. I had been painting and removing wall paper for 3 days and I woke up just wanting my daily cup of coveted coffee and I decided to call my mom and give her a progress update. I carried my cup around and drank and sipped. I went to take my last sip and as I’m sipping I see a silverfish!!! I spit it all right back in the cup. I don’t know why those little prehistoric creatures disgust me so but I think it’s because they eat the things I love. BOOKS!

    I couldn’t drink coffee in this house for a long time. I never leave a cup unattended now I can tell you that.

    Like

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