Happy

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The other night I opened the sliding doors to the balcony. It was surprisingly cool outside. Jane slept and the dishwasher hummed.

Oh, who am I kidding. The dishwasher is a million years old so it basically sounds like it’s flopping around and having a grand mal seizure, but it cleans my dishes so that’s fine by me.

A dove cooed in the giant crepe myrtle beside the pool. Our apartment smelled like cooked onions and coffee and clean laundry. I was sore and tired from playing in the pool with Jane, swimming laps back and forth with her hanging on my back like a little happy monkey.

I sat down on my sofa and hugged myself with happiness.

No, really. I literally wrapped my arms around myself and stifled a squeal. Not a hyper squeal. It was a sort of “it’s Christmas Eve and I love my family and happiness and presents and candles and I’m so thankful I can hardly stand it” squeal. I haven’t had that sort of overwhelming happy emotion in a long time. In fact, I’d almost forgotten what it was like, or that moments like that even existed.

The changes in my life have been monumental. There have been unforeseen turns and twists that I never could have predicted. They came out of left field and knocked me over, but in the best of ways. Life bends us farther than we thought we could ever stretch, but I thank God for it. I really do.

ย And in the middle of this happiness, I’ve met a man who is very special to me.

He’s good and honest and loyal.

I’m tremendously thankful to have him in my life.

ย I am so grateful to be right where I am right now, in my little apartment, learning to cook, learning to breathe easy, and spending time with someone Iย care so much about. Someday soon I’ll tell more. But for right now, I just want to share that I am happy.

Very happy.

So happy that sometimes I just gotta hug myself.

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37 Comments

  1. Sheila says:

    I am happy that you are happy – and you deserve each and every squeal. I love your voice that comes through so clearly in your writing. And I love knowing women who can come through life strong but not hard. HUGS.

    Like

  2. Erin Kern says:

    So glad you opened up the comments on the new blog. You have always been one of my favorite writers/bloggers, and, for so many reasons, I’m happy to read along. I also wanted to tell you that your transparency regarding your struggles with postpartum so long ago ended up being such a source of encouragement as I fought my own battle after having Baby #3 a few months ago. I finally found the words and posted my own struggles in hopes that, like your story, mine might help another.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. DebP says:

    You look gorgeous, Liz. In the most recent photos I’ve seen, you almost appear to be a different person. I am truly happy for you and glad to see that you are posting more!

    Like

    • Amy Fox says:

      Dear Liz,

      I am so happy for you and have been praying for you daily – I look forward to seeing you grow into the beautiful butterfly God wants you to be.

      Like

  4. Emily G says:

    Your happiness is coming through your writing loud and clear-love it! I also cannot believe Jane’s pigtails are so long! So, so happy your world is more balanced these days, and thank you for sharing it all with us!

    Like

  5. Kathy says:

    I’m SO happy for you and Jane. I can relate so well to your story. That’s was me 35 years ago. What seemed like a nightmare became the best thing that ever happened for myself and my daughter. We also moved to an apartment with a swimming pool. Those are very fond memories. Give yourself a hug!!!

    Like

  6. Jenn says:

    So, so happy for you on every level Liz. Love that you’re writing more and I’m loving all of the YOU I see in your words.

    PS – I love the new digs!

    Like

  7. theamandajo says:

    This post makes my heart so happy for you and Jane. So glad you’re blogging in a fresh new place. I can’t wait to hear more about your newest adventure! By the way, Jane looks far too big. Didn’t you just have her a couple of months ago? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Like

  8. Emma says:

    Liz, I am so happy you opened your comments up! I don’t know you, but feel that I can relate as I, too, am, divorced (something I NEVER thought would happen in my life). However, I am so grateful in so many ways that the Lord brought me out of that awful situation a few years ago, and has since blessed me recently with a man I care very much about ๐Ÿ™‚ So, I am squealing right there with you. I love your blog and have always found encouragement from it!

    Like

  9. Emma says:

    Liz, I am so happy you opened your comments up! I donโ€™t know you, but feel that I can relate as I, too, am, divorced (something I NEVER thought would happen in my life). However, I am so grateful in so many ways that the Lord brought me out of that awful situation a few years ago, and has since blessed me recently with a man I care very much about ๐Ÿ™‚ So, I am squealing right there with you. I love your blog and have always found encouragement from it!

    Like

  10. Laura says:

    You deserve every bit of happiness & every squeal! I love your new space & that you opened up comments again. And it’s always good to see pictures of your sweet little Jane!

    Like

  11. Linda says:

    Life moves on, even after what seems like a tragedy and you usually find yourself in a different place but better, lighter. I thought my life was over after my divorce but here I am in France with a wonderful man who really loves me. Who knew? You can’t plan these things.

    Like

  12. nonchalantkris says:

    So happy that God is healing your soul and spirit. I have long followed your blog and very much enjoy reading your thoughts. Divorce is hard, ugly, painful…but it is not the end. I also lost many friends, etc. after my divorce but am in such a better place now. Real friends who love me, happy and emotionally healthy. All my best to you! You deserve every ounce of happiness you find! Embrace them all!!

    Like

  13. Mary says:

    Hi, Liz. I’m Mary and I’ve been reading your blog for nearly as long as you’ve been a blogger. I just don’t comment much. I just wanted to tell you that I am glad to hear you are getting your new life together. I am so glad to hear that you are happy. I hate to say it but I think if there are no downs then the ups wouldn’t be as special as they are. I don’t think anyone gets through life without some disappointments but those are the things that make us who we are today. I am really enjoying these frequent posts, keep them coming! Love seeing the pictures of your daughter as she grows up too. Have some FUN! You deserve it!

    Like

  14. Marsha Kern says:

    I so enjoy your writing, I love Jane pictures she is so precious with feeding her dolls! And I am beyond thrilled the way your life is going!

    Like

  15. Tressa says:

    Happy for you Liz! Read often, never comment. I wanted you to know I’m cheering you on, even tho I don’t personally know you!!
    God Bless you and your precious daughter
    Tressa ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  16. Erin Bartels says:

    So happy to read this. I ran across this on another blog and I thought you might appreciate it: “Today is important. Today’s tasks, humdrum or exciting, are important in history. Today might be a part of preparation for many tomorrows, but only God knows what the tomorrows will contain–internationally, nationally, in our community, or in any one individual life. Today is the day that has to be lived with…strength.”–Edith Schaeffer, The Tapestry

    Like

    • Twila Bennett says:

      Erin above is the one that led me to your blog years ago. And I have been a huge fan ever since. Your book was one of only a handful that I laughed out loud with on a plane. And didn’t care what people thought. I have been sad for you through your pain and now am so happy to read you are moving through to a better place. This community roots for you. Wish we could all meet in real life.

      Like

  17. Holly says:

    While I don’t know you personally, I can honestly say that I wish I did. You are so strong and an inspiration. It seems silly since I don’t really know you, but I’m happy that you have found happiness.

    Like

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