Good Old Nora

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” -Nora Ephron
I have no doubt that one day, probably very soon, Jane will look at me, roll her eyes and think to herself, “Cheese on a cracker, my mother is so embarrassing. She’s like a hillbilly and a hippie had a baby together, and then that baby went through life visiting Sonic Drive Ins on a religious basis telling the waitresses on skates ‘that dog won’t hunt’ when they forget about happy hour prices.”
But right now, she likes me.
We were sitting at the pool watching the big kids swim last week. She likes to stay on the steps, because hello. It’s just safer there and despite her arm floaties she’s pretty convinced that water is the devil. So we sit there, splashing each other and she thinks it’s the greatest thing ever.
A little girl came up to her and said, “Do you want to come play with us?”
Jane just smiled, moved a little closer to me and said, “No fank you. I playing with my mommy.”
Of course my heart burst at the seams and I thought I might pass out from happiness. 
But that’s the thing. Even when someday she thinks I’m a gigantic uncool albatross hanging around her neck, I’ll still be her mom. I’ll still be the woman that she looks to as an example. Even if she looks at my example and says, “Nope, that’s not for me.” She’ll still be looking to me.
Lately I’ve fielded a lot of personal questions. And truthfully, I find myself minding less and less. The people who ask questions, who talk to me, are the ones who really care about me. And sometimes I choose not to answer the question. Sometimes I do. One of the questions is, “How will you explain the divorce to Jane?”
I suppose that’s something I’ll play by ear, the when and where and how of it. She’s only three right now, and her biggest hurdle in life is using her big girl potty (as opposed to hiding in the corner, straining and saying, “Go away, don’t look at me.”).
But someday I’ll tell her that when you make a decision, and you pray about it, and you talk it over with the people who love you most, and you wake up in the morning with joy and peace in your heart… you know it’s the right one. And best of all, you stop playing the victim. 
I hope Jane chooses to be a heroine instead of a victim in the story of her life. 
In friendship.
In love. 
In marriage. 
In work.
In all things. 
And that’s exactly what I’ll tell her.

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