Surviving

Hello.

First, I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to send me an encouraging email. I have read every single one. I’ve cried over a few. I’ve read others late at night when I needed to hear kind words desperately. So thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Jane and I are doing well. We moved into an apartment. It’s a nice place, with lots of trees and gardens. There is a pool and we have a balcony and cheerful windows.

It is also apparently a retirement community for older women (joking, but I am the baby around here). I consider this a boon. I always loved the Golden Girls. 

Yesterday was a blow I didn’t think I could stand back up from. Apparently it has been going around town that I was initially going to abandon Jane or did not want custody of her.

I don’t need to tell you how shocking hearing that was to me. I don’t need to tell you that this process is difficult as it is even at the best of times. But to hear such malicious lies and un-truths being uttered was distressing.

There is no scenario where I wouldn’t do everything in my power to keep my baby girl under the same roof with me. That is something I never thought I would have to say in defense of love as a mother. It absolutely breaks my heart. She came from my body, she changed my life, and she owns every square inch of my heart. My life has been about her since the moment she came into this world. 

I could use your prayers. Oftentimes Christians ask for prayers as a socially acceptable way of communicating. Sometimes it’s just our “lingo.” That’s not what I’m doing. I’m asking for your heartfelt prayers that I can withstand the malicious gossip and un-truths. That I can find a soft place to land in a new church. Prayers that Jane can be happily unaware of the hard feelings and things being said about her mother. 

But. On the bright side (if there is one). I have an entire community of support here in my apartments from older ladies who wear track suits, walk their tiny dogs (and cats) every morning, and tend little gardens around their front doors. When all else fails, I remember I’m living in the land of the Golden Girls. It’s a pretty good place to hide. To recover. To love on my little girl with all of my heart.

Please. Do pray for us.



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